Oh. My. Gawd.
I never thought I’d reach nirvana in my life, but this morning….I did. And…..of all places, it happened at LAX.
I sit in the Admirals Club in Terminal 4, completely at one with the universe.
Spent the night at the Holiday Inn Express LAX (disgusting – skip it). My day got off to a wonderful LAX-style start at 5:30 AM this morning; on my way out to 7-11 for a hot chocolate, I literally stumbled upon a homeless guy sleeping on the floor in front of the elevators on the 6th floor.
Welcome to LA, Mr. Big Shot World Traveler.
Took the airport shuttle over to LAX, checked in at the American Airlines Preferred Desk. Walked upstairs, flashed my NEXUS card to the TSA officer, and suspiciously eyed the 20 people in the “Elite Line” line ahead of me awaiting the TSA proctological exam.
The TSA officer said “Oh, a NEXUS card. Please proceed to the TSA Pre-Check Line on your left”.
Stunned that the highly trained officer actually knew what a NEXUS card was, I followed her instructions and was met by another officer, who escorted me to a separate X-ray line.
The TSA escort told me “Keep your shoes on, keep your jacket on, keep your laptop in your bag, place your bag on the conveyor, put any metal in this tray”.
I took off my belt and wristwatch, and placed it in the tray.
In about 30 seconds from when I arrived at the TSA checkpoint, I was through security and walking into the Admirals Club.
“I must be dreaming”. I repeated the famous phrase James Bond uttered when he awoke aboard Auric Goldfinger’s private jet to find the gorgeous Honor Blackman peering down at him, saying “Hello, my name is Pussy Galore”.